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The Good Word on Vaporizers


By The Reverend Dr. Mitchell Earleywine

Devotees of the plant, please gather around. Although knowledge is scarce, we have it right here. Many a man and woman has asked the burning question: Do vaporizers work? I can only say that in The Church of Empiricism we have done our due diligence, gathered the data, and drawn definitive conclusions tempered only by the usual cautions inherent in Science with a capital “S.”

The work began with simple reports from cannabis connoisseurs. Those who used vaporizers reported fewer symptoms of bronchitis, including the dreaded tightness in the chest, the belabored morning cough, and the deceitful shortness of breath. I’m proud to say my lab was among the first with this news.


Important laboratory experiments revealed that the beloved THC did, indeed, reach appropriate levels inherently required for medicinal use. Subsequent work showed the cherished CBD also appeared in its glorious splendor and revealed that multiple brands of vaporizers performed the hallowed task quite well. (Please see

A few individual cases showed promise, for when they switched from the smoke and fire to the gentle vapor, their self-reported respiratory irritation did decrease. And their measures of lung function did improve. Again, my lab was proud to take on the hallowed task. http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.3109/16066350902974753#.V5E6baKcEZw

Casual comments revealed an intriguing flavor and a noticeable lack of the smoldering vexations, particularly in comparison to the drug-war death toy known as the one-hitter. Cooler temperatures clearly allowed the boiling off of the desired cannabinoids into a fine mist without the dreaded heat inherent in the flame. Our frugal brothers and sisters rejoiced because they seemed to use less plant, but they feared some cannabinoids remained behind. (The helpful gizmo left a brownish plant matter instead of the black ashes they’d grown accustomed to.) They fashioned canna-butter with their remains but apparently produced little that couldn’t be attributed to a placebo.

A small but willing sample switched from smoke to vapor for one month and showed statistically significant (and dare I say, meaningful) decreases in respiratory irritation while boasting improved volumes of the lung. Hat’s off to my students for keeping the project, um, rolling.


Praised be these new machines, and long live the plant!

Curious scholars can read a detailed review here:



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